During the third session of my Vedic meditation course this morning with a lovely group on the Central Coast, I was reminded of how foreign the concept of surrender used to be to me.

When I learnt Vedic meditation in 2017, I was in the peak of my experience of chronic anxiety and panic attacks. My mode of operation in life was control. I planned absolutely every inch of my life and attempted to anticipate (control) everything from the number of minutes it would take me to get to work to how my boss would respond when I asked him a question to how that person was going to feel if I declined their social invitation. 

And let me tell you, living life in this way was exhausting. I didn't trust that things would work out OK. I needed to plan, plan again, pre-empt and map everything out in advance, in order for me to feel less out of control. I needed to thoroughly research every choice I made before I made it. This level of not-okness drains us on every level. Physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally. 

What changed that allowed me to let go of the iron grip of my control and slowly learn to trust that I didn't have to manipulate the events of my life, in order for things to work out in favour of evolution and progress?

I learnt how (and why) to surrender. 

When I signed up to learn Vedic meditation, at the suggestion of some friends of mine who practiced Vedic meditation and knew how deeply I was struggling with anxiety, I didn’t know I was also signing up to learn the art of surrender. I didn’t know that the Vedic meditation practice itself, is actually a practice of surrender. That the type of mantra used and the way in which it is used, creates the conditions for us to learn that the best, most evolutionary outcomes lie on the other side of a surrendered, accepting approach. 

What I learnt, was that in order to change a deeply ingrained pattern, like the pattern of control that I’m describing, it’s not enough to simply think about wanting to change it, or talk about wanting to change it. We need to take action. We need to do something that gives our brain and nervous system the experience of a different way. We need to do that thing repeatedly, so that we start to create new habits and patterns. This is how, through practicing a style of meditation that requires you to surrender, I taught myself to let go of control and adopt a more surrendered, accepting, trusting approach to living my life. It’s how I set myself free from the crippling and utterly futile habit of being a controller. 

I got so much more than I bargained for when I signed up for that four-session meditation course in Bondi. It changes the entire trajectory of my life. Not only because I became a teacher of the practice, but because I slowly but surely unwound my habit of a life time of being a tightly wound, type A control freak. And don’t get me wrong, every now and then when I am tired or stretched, the pattern of control may surface. The difference now, by virtue of having practiced Vedic meditation daily for over 6 years now, is that I have the awareness to recognise the pattern for what it is, and not to slip back into it (or not for too long). 

If you recognise yourself in my story, this is such good news. If I can change my deeply ingrained habit of controlling, I know that you can too. To learn more about Vedic meditation, you can get in touch with me (Caroline) to arrange a private, no-obligation chat here, or sign up for one of my free, info sessions here. If you’re not in Sydney or Central Coast where I teach Vedic meditation, go to our global teacher directory to find a teacher near you (Vedic meditation is always taught in person). If there are multiple teachers in your area and you’d like a recommendation, you’re most welcome to get in touch with me. If you’re keen to explore how the pattern of control is showing up in your own life and be supported to bring greater awareness to this pattern, so that you can start to soften & unwind it, book in for a private consultation with me and I’ll guide you on your way. 

Love, 
Caroline x