My self acceptance story
Self-doubt, self-criticism and holding myself to incredibly standards of perfection were long-time struggles for me. I had a lot of talk therapy over my teens and twenties which supported my self-awareness, gave me tools to "manage" my thoughts but didn't change the narrative I told myself about myself, all the time.
I questioned my own skills and abilities, I regularly assumed people didn't like me with no evidence to support it, I held back from doing new things in my personal & professional life because of an underlying fear of not being good enough.
I rarely saw my value but held a microscope up to my perceived flaws and failings.
Can you relate?
My inner voice certainly softened over the years with the help of meditation, nervous system support and working with unconscious beliefs—but I was far from a place of self-acceptance being second nature to me.
Then, a challenging life experience prompted me to do two things: engage in personal somatic work, and train in advanced somatic coaching. And by accident, I discovered the reason my self-doubting, self-critical ways of being had persisted so stubbornly over the years.
I had been trying for YEARS to resolve my self-doubting, self-criticising tendencies at the level of the mind. Through talk therapy, a degree in psychology, post-graduate study in psychotherapy, thousands of hours of meditation, affirmations, attempting to "manage" (control) my thoughts.
What I didn't know, is that thought patterns and beliefs are held in place in the body—by somatic residue from past experiences and by nervous system adaptations (ways we’ve learnt to stay safe and/or connected to others).
Another, less somatic jargony way of saying this: we tend to think of beliefs and thoughts as belonging to the mind but this is simply not true. If it were true—wouldn't all the talk therapy, meditation, journalling and cognitive approaches—have worked?
Thoughts and beliefs become patterned in our bodies. They exist physiologically in our literal cells and tissues. Trying to resolve long-standing thought patterns on the level of the mind alone is like cutting the top of a weed without pulling out the roots. It will just keep coming back.
The roots of how we feel about ourselves reside in the body. For years, I skated around on the surface, not knowing how to get to the roots and free myself from the constant soundtrack of self-doubt. The roots exist in the body. Skilful somatics is how we access and tend to the roots. Then, changing our thinking happens as an organic and inevitable outcome of root tending.
By tending to my own roots, I've now laid down new patterns. My pattern is to give myself a whole lot of acceptance for everything I think and feel. To allow and embrace every part of me that shows up. To not expect perfection, to soothe myself when trying something that feels new or scary without stopping myself from going for it, to tend to my prickly, tender parts like I would a dear friend or one of my nephews. To no longer experience a mean, scathing inner voice.
And let me share, this is a RADICALLY different experience to how I spent the majority of my life experiencing my own inner voice. My whole entire life is different—softer, slower, easier, smoother, more fun, playful & joyful—as a result of this shift in my inner world.
In my work, I teach and guide my somatic coaching clients and retreat guests how to tend to the roots. I show you and teach my clients how to become free of ways of thinking and being that hold them back. So that they can land in an embodied knowing of just how wise and brilliant they are and be open to the infinite possibility available to us when the self-doubt blinkers get removed.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading my story ♡
Love,
Caroline